A little bit more about me and the blog:
Anyone mentioned is not mentioned by their real name. If anyone I ever know finds this blog (and I did not personally tell them about it), I’d like to believe that I’m semi-anonymous for now (even if stories may give it away).
I am part of a large family. I am a middle child, and that plays a large part in the way I think.
I have been diagnosed with both ADHD and OCD.
I was raised Baptist, then non-denominational, then Baptist/non-denominational. I became a believer when I was around 7 years old. At the time, I didn’t understand the full weight of that decision, but as I grew, so did my understanding. My beliefs have always been a big part of who I am, but at a young age and into my teenage years, it was dictated to me what exactly those beliefs would be. Whether they were beliefs about God or other people. Everything was dictated, and there wasn’t a lot of freedom of opinion without judgment. In some cases, this led to some pretty severe emotional abuse.
When I was 15 years old, I started struggling with some mental health issues. I felt close to God, probably the closest I had ever been, but when I looked around at the rest of my life, anxiety and depression trumped everything. It got so bad that I thought it would be better to die and go be with the Lord than continue on with how I was living. My mom found out, after a friend’s mom saw texts between a certain friend and me outlining that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I was forced to go to Biblical Counseling, and to this day, I would argue that that was the best possible decision for me. I still see the same counselor, she has literally watched me grow up from the hoodie-wearing, hiding-behind-my-hair, awkward teenager, to who I am now. Whoever that may be. That’s why I have this blog now. I finally have the freedom to step away from what was dictated and to who I want to be. I’m doing my best to figure out what that means.
-Ellie